When Opposition is a Message: Understanding Your Child Beyond the Behavior
Loving your resistant child and finding connection and meaning
By Shannen Yee LMFT Associate — Family therapist in Corpus Christi
Many parents come into my office exhausted, frustrated, and worried. Their child argues about everything, refuses requests, and seems determined to push boundaries at every turn. It can feel personal, even like a failure—but often, beneath oppositional behavior lies something more profound: a plea for meaning, connection, or understanding.
Logotherapy, the practice of helping people find meaning even in struggle, invites us to look beyond the surface. When a child acts out, they are not merely being difficult—they are expressing something essential about who they are, what they value, or what they are struggling to make sense of.
For families, this can feel destabilizing. Schedules unravel, tempers flare, and hope can slip away. But approaching oppositional behavior as communication—rather than as defiance—opens a different path. Instead of asking, “Why won’t they just listen?” we can ask, “What is my child trying to tell me about themselves, their needs, or their experience?”
This perspective doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, nor does it provide instant solutions. What it does offer is a framework for presence and meaning. By acknowledging the struggle and naming it, families can begin to co-create strategies that honor the child’s individuality while maintaining safe and healthy boundaries.
Some practical ways to engage with an oppositional child meaningfully:
Listen deeply: Reflect back what you hear, even if it’s angry or defiant. Sometimes the underlying fear or frustration is easier to hear once it’s mirrored in a calm voice.
Seek purpose together: Encourage your child to participate in decisions, express preferences, or explore activities that feel meaningful to them.
Maintain boundaries with empathy: Clear limits provide security. When paired with understanding, boundaries teach responsibility without diminishing identity.
Model reflection: Share your own process of handling challenges, showing that life’s difficulties are not just obstacles but opportunities to discover meaning.
Parenting a child who resists every instruction is hard work. Yet, within that resistance lies a question: How can we nurture a sense of purpose, connection, and authenticity in a child who is learning to navigate a world that often feels demanding and confusing? Logotherapy reminds us that even opposition can be a doorway to meaning—for both child and parent.
When we approach our children with curiosity, patience, and a search for significance beyond behavior, we find that what first appears as defiance can also be the start of deep understanding and lasting growth—for the whole family.
Strategies for helping children with anger and resistance:
Listen and reflect: Show your child you hear their feelings, even when expressed through anger or defiance.
Encourage choice: Involve your child in decisions and activities that matter to them, fostering a sense of purpose.
Set compassionate boundaries: Clear limits provide security, while empathy preserves connection.
Model reflection and meaning: Share your own ways of handling challenges, teaching that struggles can reveal growth and purpose.
By understanding your child’s behavior as a form of communication rather than simply defiance, parents can foster connection, resilience, and insight. Even resistance can become a doorway to deeper understanding—for your child and your family.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your child’s oppositional behavior, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Together, we can explore what your child’s resistance might be communicating, strengthen your connection, and find meaning in the challenges you face as a family. Contact me today to schedule a session and begin a path toward understanding, balance, and growth.
